I HAVE AN ADDICTION...

I'm addicted to nachos. I love them. I can eat them everyday. Those crunchy tortilla chips, that juicy meat, 'good for your heart' beans, the intoxicating cheese, crispity lettuce, undefinable sour cream, exotic salsa, and 'muy caliente' jalapenos;

makes my mouth water. A montage of goodness on one plate, dancing with each other in perfect harmony. A work of art. Who ever created nachos needs to be given some type of "Lifetime Achievement" or "Humanity" award. For they have truly contributed something great to society.

My heart sank when I went to the "Elephant Bar" (a restaurant) and discovered that they had taken the nachos off of the sampler platter. I was crushed. As a result the dish I was forced to order tasted like quicksand. Before leaving I had a word with the manager about my tragic experience. He informed me that they sold a different (aka weird) kind of nacho separately. He must have seen the pain in my eye's, because he said the next time I came they would specially make the original kind for me. And if he wasn't there, to tell whomever that Mark said it was okay. My hero.

Well, off to make some nachos.

IM SO CLOSE TO NEVER EATING AGAIN...BLEH

Ok, so I'm already a finicky eater. I don't eat beef, pork or most types of fish. I don't eat Chinese food and I stopped eating Mickey D's almost 10 yrs ago (I will admit to having some sweet tea and some fries, far and in between). Actually for the most part I rarely eat out; I love to cook. Plus all it takes is one too many times for me to hear something bad about a place or product and I'm done. No get back.

Well I happened to be just moseying through the Internet and came across one of the most disgusting things i have ever seen or heard in my life. Story goes, after attempting to guzzle down a cold can of Diet Pepsi a Florida man proceeds to gag. After further investigation conducted by him and his wife, she explains that "He emptied out the can down a sink but something heavy remained inside... shook the can over a paper plate until something resembling 'pink linguini' slid out, followed by 'dark stuff'"

Let me just start by saying, I would have turned into a mute (Maya Angelou style from 'I know why the cage bird sings'). I mean nothing left to say. A part of my soul would have went down the drain with the remains of that beverage. It wouldn't have mattered what the unknown substance was. I would have been a scarred and broken woman. But to make matters worse (as if they could get any worse), the FDA just confirmed that it was frog "residue" that was encapsulated in the cold can of Diet Pepsi. Unfuckinbelievable.

To top this bullshit off, Pepsi is throwing the couple shade, as if they aren't responsible. Shiiiit, I would have videos, pictures, sworn testaments, doctor's bills and everything ready and needed to sue the 'Pep' out the 'Si'. Hell, just in case they tried to draw the case out, in hopes that the evidence withered away, I would have had them frog remains cyrogenically frozen. I would have to carry my mute soul, equip with a sign language interpreter, onto Oprah, Ellen, Tyra, The View; hell, I would have gotten Sally Jessie Rapheal out of retirement (red glasses and all). I would not just go quietly into the night, even as a mute.

I figure that the only way you wont hear more about this story going to court is if the couple is trying run a scam. And people ain't shit, so it's definitely a possibility. I actually hope that they are. Because if they're not, you might as well stick a fork in my can drinking days; done.